When I first woke up to my intuition, it was a very scary thing. Sure, you’d think that discovering an inner wealth of knowledge, the sense that you can trust yourself implicitly and be your own guide at any moment would be awesome, but it wasn’t. Not at first anyway. I didn’t understand what it really meant to be able to perceive ‘subtle energy’, so I thought there was something very wrong with me. In daily life, it often showed up as extreme sensitivity; to food, environments, people, emotions, ideas, and I was pretty sure this was a trait I just had to work harder at to overcome. Sometimes it showed up as simply ‘knowing’ things, being extremely perceptive about people and situations even beyond the scope of my own understanding, and having ideas about what was going to happen before it did. And because it was all so unfamiliar, looking back, I see how I tried to pretend it wasn’t happening. That is, until it became more frequent, and eventually, I had no choice but to pay attention.
Now I think it’s important to note that like most of the Western world, I grew up on a steady diet of math, science, and religion. And while I liked the sound of the word intuition and what it implied, I wasn’t too sure how I felt about its connection to the whole ‘psychic’ or ‘clairvoyant’ thing. I’d been scammed (and totally creeped out) by one of those street-side psychics with neon signs advertising tarot and palm readings, and whenever I met anyone who told me they were studying psychic or intuitive reading, I made a mental note to stay away. I was suspect of anyone who seemed interested in reading the energy of others, wondering if they were simply being nosy or wanting to assert some sort of power over me. But here I found myself in an almost desperate situation, realizing that I was, in fact, reading the energy of others all the time. And I was often so bowled over by others’ thoughts and feelings, I was having trouble accessing my own. And when I noticed that the migraines I’d been working so hard to prevent seemed to be directly correlated to my ‘Empath-ness’, my inability to tune out big deal media messages and the like, I decided to seek professional help. That is, from the only group of people who might understand. And so I found myself studying under renowned psychic, author, and teacher, Debra Lynn Katz, at The International School of Clairvoyance.
The first class, we were asked to introduce ourselves and, while I’m not one to be at a loss for words, I could barely manage a whisper. But for the first few weeks all we did was meditate and visualize, and I could easily wrap my head around that, and so I quickly grew to love Debra’s classes. Soon, we were learning to read energy by tapping deeper into ourselves. Now, I had joked to my friends (the ones I actually told about psychic school) that my goal with the whole thing was to learn how to stop reading other people, and interestingly, that’s exactly what happened. Because as soon as I discovered how easily I could perceive energy in my environment - a skill we ALL possess, by the way - I opened up to being able to decipher my own. And that’s where the real gold is. Because as soon as I figured out how to access the great wisdom that lies within, daily life became a whole lot easier. I had no more doubts about my first impressions, trusted that no matter what I said or did, as long as it came from a pure heartfelt place, there must be a greater reason. I learned to tell the difference between a gut feeling and a fear, I no longer felt the need to protect myself from any external situation that felt like too much, realizing that I could, at any time, just take a look within. Once I developed a so-called language for it, I could ask myself any question and get a helpful answer; from where to find the perfect parking spot to how to manage the most difficult of situations. When I accepted the full scope of intuition, opened up to learning the language of energy, and of myself, I learned to trust.
Post written for SFYogaMag.com